Chapter 1
Today, for some reason, my eyes opened with unusual ease.
The dim light seeping faintly through the blackout curtains felt exceptionally clear.
Though it was a midwinter morning, it felt more refreshing than cold.
My mind was clear, and my heart was calm.
It was a curiously subtle feeling, difficult to put into words.
‘Today is the day I leave this house.’
And yet, I felt completely at ease.
Perhaps it was because I’d spent every single day reminding myself of my circumstances, never once forgetting them.
Sitting up slowly, Anita leaned her back against the headboard and gazed at the space beside her, cold as always.
Lanslo Edenbahir.
This spot was undoubtedly for her husband, Lanslo.
But in the nearly half-year of their marriage, they had never once slept together.
It had to be that way.
They were a married couple in name only.
She swept a hand over the empty, almost chilly, space beside her, a sight now familiar. There had never been a day she was more thankful that Lanslo wasn't there.
If she saw his face, her firm resolve might waver. Anita didn't want to be selfish. Not for anyone else’s sake, but for Lanslo’s.
*Knock, knock.*
The same wake-up time as always.
The maids entered quietly, drew back the blackout curtains, and began to light the fire in the hearth.
“Madam. I’ve brought coffee instead of chamomile today. We received some fine coffee beans this morning. The aroma is wonderfully fresh. It has a superb acidity that I think you’ll enjoy.”
The middle-aged woman who had prepared a light breakfast and coffee for her, Mrs. Mishula, was a long-serving retainer of the Ducal House of Edenbachir.
“It’s especially cold today, so wearing your hair down wouldn’t be a bad idea. Do you have a scheduled outing, Madam?”
“Yes. I was thinking of going into town for a bit.”
“Shall I style you simply, as always?”
“Please.”
Today, unlike other days, Anita chose her own attire.
A garment tucked away in the deepest corner of her winter wardrobe, as if it were hiding. A late-autumn dress that boasted the only bright pink hue she owned.
It was a little thin for winter, but it would be fine if she fastened her coat tightly.
Mrs. Mishula asked with a puzzled look.
“You have a dress like this?”
“It’s the one I brought the first day I came here.”
“No wonder the color is so bright and soft. You must have enjoyed wearing clothes like this before your marriage. I think it will suit you well.”
After fastening all the buttons on the back, Mrs. Mishula clapped her hands with a satisfied look.
“It suits you so well, Madam! I hope you’ll wear dresses with such a fresh feel more often from now on. These days, regardless of the season, everyone…”
Instead of agreeing, Anita gave an awkward smile.
It wasn't that she couldn't understand why Mrs. Mishula was chattering so excitedly.
Anita’s wardrobe was always dark.
She had only ever brought in clothes of muted colors and designs that wouldn't draw attention, so no matter the weather, the season of her attire was always autumn or winter.
A dark wine-colored hat.
A soft, reed-colored coat.
A muted gray dress.
A simple white muffler.
Garments of simple colors, voluntarily chosen to avoid notice, anytime, and anywhere.
But none of them were Anita’s.
From head to toe, everything belonged to her husband, Lanslo. The accessories, the bags, even the carousel music box she looked at every night…
‘Lanslo’s consideration for me, left all alone.’
Her husband, Lanslo, treated Anita as a complete wife. Thanks to him, her past half-year of married life had been abundant, lacking nothing.
It was also largely thanks to Lanslo that every member of this estate had come to treat Anita as the Duchess of Edenbahir.
‘It was just a marriage of convenience.’
Even though it was a marriage destined for divorce, Lanslo had treated her with all sincerity as the Duchess.
It was truly a life beyond her station.
“Ah, Madam. His Grace the Duke asked that you keep your evening free today.”
“…This evening?”
“Yes. It seems he has something to tell you.”
Mrs. Mishula seemed to take Anita’s silence as affirmation and left the bedroom without another word.
‘He must have already left the estate.’
Her husband had been quite busy lately.
He often stayed out overnight, and their conversations were limited to a light evening greeting just before she went to sleep.
Is this a relief for me? I don't think I could bear to see his face and then leave as if nothing were wrong.
Anita took out a small notebook hidden deep in a drawer. Tucked between the thin pages was a letter she had written a few days ago.
Her final letter to Lanslo.
‘…I can’t hesitate now.’
To the Lanslo of today, her existence was nothing more than a troublesome burden.
He was the master of the proud Ducal House of Edenbachir and one of the few heirs to the throne.
Their marriage had given birth to numerous rumors because of Anita’s status.
An indelible scar was left on Lanslo’s honor because of her, and the label ‘the man with a wife of lowly birth’ followed him.
The open ostracism and disregard from some of the noble ladies weren’t the hardest things to endure. The hardest part was all the ridicule and scandal Lanslo had to endure because of her existence.
So, let’s leave before it’s too late.
So that Lanslo can finally let go of his pity.
So that he can have a woman by his side who won't bring him shame, a woman he loves.
After staring down at the notebook for a moment, she shoved it carelessly between the books on the shelf. She placed the letter neatly on the table, then lingered for a long time before leaving the bedroom.
She had to leave it behind secretly like this to be able to depart. Lanslo was the kind of person who would try to hold onto her one way or another, to persuade her to stay.
That was the kind of man Anita’s husband was.
A man who seemed cold but was warm.
A man who seemed sensitive but was generous.
A kind man.
A gentle man.
A good man.
…The man I love.
The old butler, who must have heard she was going out, was standing in front of the bedroom and gave her a silent bow.
“Madam. I’ve had a carriage prepared to take you to the city.”
“It’s all right. The weather is so nice, I feel like walking a little today.”
Anita calmly collected her breath.
*He doesn’t know what you’re thinking. Don’t be nervous. Act natural. Just act like you always do.*
“When do you plan to return?”
“Around noon. Don’t prepare lunch for me.”
“Yes, Madam. Have a safe trip.”
Leaving the respectfully bowing butler behind, she walked out of the ducal estate. Each step felt too short, far too short. The dirt path stretching before her felt endlessly long.
I have to go farther than this.
To a place I can’t return from. To a place where I can endure even if I miss Lanslo. Far, far away.
At some point, it seemed her legs had begun to move quickly. After running for a good while, Anita suddenly stopped and turned back.
Edenbahir.
My happiest memory. This moment must be the end of that memory.
The more she thought about it, the more she realized how much she owed Lanslo. So now, it was Anita’s turn to step aside.
For her husband’s new beginning.
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