Episode 10. Jeong Hee-seong
A hospital room left alone.
Jeong Hee-seong shivered from the cold seeping through his skin.
I found myself laughing and laughed self-deprecatingly.
‘Since when did you feel lonely being alone?’
Jeong Hee-seong leaned against the bedside and closed his eyes. His memories went back a long time, and he looked back on the now hazy past.
* * *
The second bathroom at Namguro Station.
Jeong Hee-seong was a child abandoned there.
The baby cried loudly and loudly, as if he wanted to live. So loud that a woman passing by was attracted to the sound.
It was said that the baby, who was left on the cold floor as soon as he was born, would have been in danger if it had been a little later.
The director of the orphanage spoke as if to thank the righteous person, but Jeong Hee-seong had a different opinion.
‘It’s a shame.’
This was all he felt.
He said that it was the cutest-looking baby among similar-looking babies.
Since he had no parents to keep a childcare diary or a photo album for him, there was no way to prove it other than what the director said, but I had no choice but to believe that it was so.
Because of his striking appearance, he was often put up for adoption, and funny enough, the more he was adopted, the more he was abandoned.
Everyone had the same reason.
‘The baby is calm and kind, but the more I look at it, the more uncomfortable I feel.’
Later, I realized that even the children I was jealous of for being adopted would probably be abandoned again anyway.
The same was true for Jeong Hee-seong, who held the hand of the new adoptive parents who came to pick him up.
It was a funny skit.
I learned not to expect that much.
Even though he was sent away and returned as usual, there was no one at the orphanage to welcome him.
‘Director! ‘I don’t want to share the same room with him!’
‘I don’t want to sit next to him!’
Because he was not welcome anywhere.
But I couldn’t even afford to be overwhelmed by those feelings.
‘die! die! ‘Die and stay out of my sight!’
A raw malice that was even clearer at a young age was directed at him.
Verbal violence naturally led to physical violence. And the director of the orphanage was silent about all this.
I had to survive in it.
Sometimes they submitted to violence, and sometimes they resorted to violence.
So that they cannot be touched carelessly.
Don’t let anyone come near you.
I was so full of poison that I barely knew why I was alive and barely survived.
And a change came to the daily life that seemed to remain the same forever.
‘I want to adopt this child.’
I refused.
Because I already knew the end and I didn’t want to repeat something stupid.
But the couple persisted.
Jeong Hee-seong visited him every weekend for a month.
One by one, I became accustomed to all kinds of sweet foods, soft dolls, and high-quality clothes. The child, who was as jagged as an angular stone, slowly collapsed under the warmth.
The expectations I had abandoned a long time ago sprouted again in my heart.
I had a small expectation that these people would be okay.
The child eventually left the daycare center holding the couple’s hands.
The couple was kind to the child. She truly cherished and cared for him like her own child. So Hee-seong Jeong thought it would continue.
It was an illusion.
After a month, the number of times the couple searched for their child decreased.
We used to hold hands and go to the playground every day, then once every two days, once every four days, and once a week. It gradually decreased and soon stopped holding hands.
But the child was foolish.
I walked around in front of the couple’s room holding the origami I made in art class.
‘Would they like it if I gave it to them as a gift?’
It seemed like he had such expectations.
And the child heard words coming from inside the room.
‘honey. I want to send my child back. She was confident that she would really love her… . I was going to cherish him like her own son. Why? Why does she hate children so much? The more she goes, the more she hates him. Honey, why am I doing this?’
It was a voice full of confusion.
‘I can’t send the child I brought back. We must take responsibility. Even though it may be difficult, let’s just raise the child until he or she becomes an adult.’
‘I don’t want that child in the house. He’s terrible to be in the same room!’
‘But everyone around you knows that you’ve already adopted it. If you give up your child, people will look at you strangely. It may be painful, but let’s pretend that there is nothing as much as possible and only provide financial support.’
The man comforted the woman.
The child quietly returned to his room without them noticing him.
Then he threw the crumpled paper crane beyond recognition into the trash can.
There was venom in my eyes, which had been soaked in brief comfort.
After that, the child did not go to the playground.
I read and studied while other children were playing. He didn’t cause any trouble and acted like a good kid to everyone. She put on her polite and polite facade.
Because I decided that if I couldn’t be welcomed anywhere, I would use everything I could.
A couple who is sensitive to a wealthy economic situation and social gaze.
Could there be a more perfect environment than this?
The child had no intention of leaving this house.
‘I need something more certain.’
At that moment, the adoptive mother appeared in the child’s eyes.
She was a violin teacher.
An ordinary person who dreamed of becoming a violinist, but encountered the limits of his talent and compromised with reality.
The child smiled brightly.
Because I figured out how.
A small hand held a violin.
* * *
The woman immediately recognized the child’s genius.
It didn’t take long for him to realize that the child had something he had been longing for his whole life that he had not had.
I was jealous when I saw the child playing and felt inferior.
And he finally admitted it.
That the child could achieve what she had hoped for.
I had them practice every day.
Strangely enough, I didn’t feel any strange discomfort when the child played.
And that was nothing short of salvation for the woman.
This was a child brought to me to love him.
This was a child I brought to him because I had the confidence to love him.
However, as the days passed, he became reluctant and rejected me without any reason. She was so disgusted with herself that she was sick of it.
I became addicted to the feeling of all negative emotions falling away, so I practiced more rigorously.
The child accepted it without comment.
Even though blood flowed through the strings and the muscles in the arms holding the bow twitched, no one stopped. They were all somehow crazy.
Combined with natural talent and an amount of practice that no one else could imagine, there was no one who could follow the child.
I entered and won all kinds of prestigious international competitions.
The youngest title was a common one for him.
Later, I even forgot why I worked so hard.
Time passed, and the child became a young man.
Unlike my unrefined childhood, I learned how to wear a mask.
I kept the line by not trying to get closer than a certain distance to anyone. That way, people didn’t particularly dislike or loathe him.
Rather, they were attracted to his reputation and appearance. Just like his adoptive parents who gave him all kinds of sweet things the day they first met him.
Then, a small change came to his life.
As I entered the hospital to find my adoptive mother who had just given birth, all I could think about was how annoying it was.
There was no longer a need to stay attached to the couple’s home like before.
He was already a famous violinist, and in just a few months he would become an adult. The fear that he might be abandoned by his wife and returned to the orphanage had no meaning anymore.
I thought as I opened the door.
‘The time to leave home may be brought forward.’
That was it.
His indifferent gaze scanned the inside of the hospital room.
And saw.
Something small and waving, the color of forsythia. He stared at it, forgetting to breathe.
It was so small and feeble moving around the baby’s heart.
It was lovely.
It was the moment I fell in love for the first time.
That little life was named ‘Jeong Hee-un’.
From that moment on, his life had a purpose.
Even when I went abroad to perform, I bought things for my baby. It was easy for her to be happy when she thought of her baby smiling and happy.
Even though I’ve never shown that to myself.
The baby was no different from any other person.
Whenever he approached her, she cried as if she felt terrible and turned her head away as if she didn’t want to look at her.
The only thing that was different was that the young man loved the baby.
I rang the doorbell of a house where no one was welcome.
Because I still want to see you.
I lived such a miserable life.
One day after the concert.
The world turned hazy. I fell to the floor with a burning sensation throughout my body.
I reflexively held the violin in my hand.
And when I opened my eyes.
‘I think you need to be hospitalized.’
His world faced yet another dramatic change.
Are you sad?
well.
I knew that my body began to weaken at some point.
I just didn’t care. Maybe he was thinking that it would be easier if he just died.
Oh, one thing.
It was sad that I couldn’t see my younger brother.
There’s no way his younger brother would come looking for him.
Diagnosed with a rare disease.
It was okay.
The world gradually forgot about him.
That was okay too.
I was diagnosed with having to quit playing the violin.
It should be okay.
He looked at his hands.
Oh yeah.
It wasn’t okay.
Since when did it start?
Since when did it mean so much?
‘… There’s no need to know.’
Because it’s all over now.
He untied the strings of his violin.
and.
I met a little boy.
* * *
Jeong Hee-seong carefully stroked the violin in his hand.
“The person who will be with me until the end is, of course, you.”
I sat down on the edge of the bed and picked up the violin.
The arm that seemed ready to cut a chord at any moment stopped.
I didn’t know which song to play.
“Hmm, what’s better?”
It was a miserable and miserable life, but at the last moment, I felt a desire to end it on a good note.
The names of numerous composers and song titles came to mind and then disappeared.
‘Dvořák? no. Haydn… Well, not really. Saint-Saëns? It’s good, but hmm. Schubert, Mendelssohn, Vivaldi… .’
It was all vague.
Everything from well-known master songs to modern animation songs passed through his mind.
It was all bad.
When I didn’t like anything, I started to get a little anxious.
At that moment, as if by fate, a red sunset came into his eyes.
The intense red glowed brightly with five colors, as if it was struggling until the end, as if it was burning even more because it was the last time.
Who said sunsets are beautiful?
That was a desperate scream.
ah.
He realized the song he was going to play.
The corners of the mouth rose softly.
and.
The bow cut sharply across the note.
The right arm holding the bow moved constantly, performing a brilliant technique as if running over musical notes.
A subtle eerieness flowed through the music, which was as turbulent as a raging storm.
The playing becomes increasingly richer. It was hard to believe that the sound was coming from a single violin.
Jeong Hee-seong laughed cheerfully.
There was no such thing as ‘calmness’ for him.
From a childhood he couldn’t even remember until now, soft melodies didn’t fit his life at all.
The bow glides long, and the atmosphere changes.
It’s a cold tone that makes your heart freeze. Before you know it, the damp and gloomy scent of death is wafting out.
He moves the strings helplessly, as if it would depress even the listener.
The sound gets quieter.
Gradually slower. As if it was gradually stopping.
The sound seems like it will cut off at any moment.
Then, a note bounced in a strange direction. Just when I thought I was mistaken about the gloomy tone again, the strange sound rang again.
I listen more and more to that strange sound. Without realizing it, the melody was singing along to the notes little by little.
Just as I was about to feel frustrated by the sound of following and stopping, following and then stopping,
Oh yeah. met you
The bow swims freely across the strings, as if pouring out what has been suppressed. All the frustration goes away, and a powerful sense of catharsis comes.
The performance moves closer and closer to its climax. The cold reaper of death is following behind, but I no longer tremble in fear.
Just keep moving forward as if running is all you need. Following the strong vibrato, the left hand unfolds a gorgeous pizzicato.
Like a sunset burning at the end, the notes change in a variety of ways.
Faster, faster, very fast.
Soon the speed reaches its peak,
The bow crossed the strings with intensity.
Tong-
“haha.”
Jeong Hee-seong took a deep breath.
A satisfied smile hung on his lips.
Sweat was already flowing down my forehead.
He raised his head and looked at his only audience.
“how was it?”
【… Well, it’s okay.】
The lump gently swayed and spoke.
【Of all the vibrations I have ever heard, this is the most worth listening to.】
Jeong Hee-seong said those words, haha. I laughed out loud.
“It’s an honor.”
Jeong Hee-seong looked down at the violin. Two violin strings were broken. Jeong Hee-seong gently touched the violin.
I was fortunate to be able to spend our last moments together.
I laughed when I saw the lump.
“I’m ready now.”
The lump came a little closer to Jeong Hee-seong. After hesitating for a moment, the lump spoke.
【Is there any last thing you want to say?】
Jeong Hee-seong slowly closed and opened his eyes.
There was so much I wanted to say.
There were too many, so I just decided not to do it.
Because in the end, everything will remain a regret.
Instead, I decided to say what needed to be said.
Jeong Hee-seong looked at the lump with soft eyes.
“thanks.”
【… what?】
“Thank you for all the gifts you gave me and the favors you gave me.”
The lump did not answer. For the first time, Jeong Hee-seong thought it would be nice to know the lump’s expression.
【A strange soul to the end.】
Jeong Hee-seong laughed a little. Is she making a blunt expression? As she imagined the lump’s expression, she quietly closed her eyes.
As time passes, it only fills you with regret.
A little while later, a warm energy spread throughout my body.
It really felt like I was being held in my mother’s arms.
A small voice rang in my fading mind.
【You are the most beautiful soul I have ever seen.】
‘They say it’s a strange spirit.’
I laughed thinking that, but I couldn’t hear the laughter.
It was a pretty good ending.
(Continued in the next part)
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